Stuff Bitter People Cling To #8: Thermostats

By TomlinsonDouthat Posted in 2008 — Comments (8) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »

If you ever go into a bitter person's house, one of the first things you will notice is that the temperature is at a comfortable level. In the wintertime, scarves are unnecessary on the inside of a bitter person's house, and in the summertime, warm weather outdoor performance clothes can be reserved for the outdoors.

This is because bitter people are very fond of using their thermostats. One of the things that makes bitter people most bitter is not having control of things around them — like the economy, young people, and the BCS ranking system. But thermostats allow them to control the temperature of the air around them, and this makes them slightly less bitter.

Unfortunately, they frequently choose an incorrect temperature — sometimes even 72 degrees. This uses up fuel that could be used more productively by, say, powering Barack Obama's campaign plane or Al Gore's treadmill, and it costs money that bitter people would be better off spending at Whole Foods or donating to National Public Radio.

However, whatever you do, do NOT tell them that they have chosen an incorrect temperature. This will only make them more bitter. They will realize that you are a person who isn't like them, and they will start having antipathy to you.

Instead, if you find the temperature in a bitter person's home suspiciously comfortable, feign discomfort. If it is wintertime, pretend that you are wiping sweat off your brow. Since bitter people are surprisingly perceptive and polite towards their houseguests, they will likely offer to turn the heat down for your benefit. After the temperature has fallen to a suitably uncomfortable level, quickly put your scarf back on. The bitter person will probably notice this and offer to turn the heat back up. Simply reply that you are comfortable.

A similar gambit can be tried with air conditioning in the summer. Your outdoor performance clothes should keep you comfortable and well-ventilated throughout the process.

Previous Entries:

#1 Guns
#2 Religion
#3 Antipathy to People Who Aren’t Like Them
#4 Anti-Immigrant Sentiment
#5 Anti-Trade Sentiment
#6 Driving Their SUVs
#7 Eating As Much As They Want

You got that right! by Carol in Austin

BTW, the few of us bitter people in Austin refer to Whole Foods as "Whole Paycheck" - it's much more descriptive.

Reply To This — User Info — #1

Actually, the Whole Foods in by Menlo

Actually, the Whole Foods in my area isn't that expensive compared to other stores. I've found some things that are actually a little cheaper there than at the other grocery stores.

Reply To This — User Info — #3

Recommended by Shaggy Dog

And LOL at the Oliver Twist reference.

Maybe McCain has finally found a campaign slogan: "McCain '08- Eat as much as you want!"

Reply To This — User Info — #4

Thanks by TomlinsonDouthat

I'm glad somebody caught that one.

Reply To This — User Info — #5

You'll have to count me out by Menlo

You'll have to count me out on this one. 72 is too cold for me whether it's heat or air. You don't want to use me as a standard though. I went to Death Valley in June and Palm Springs in July, and I was quite comfortable.

On the other hand, the heater in my house doesn't go below 74. Even then, I'm next to my space heaters. And the government takes away my space heaters over my dead body! (And I'm taking good care of what I have before either the government or activists make the new ones worthless.)

I keep the air at 78, but I will drop it to 77 for a few minutes after a hot bath. I will wear a heavy coat in most air conditioned facilities.

Fortunately, even at those levels, the cost of heating (which uses gas) usually ends up being far less than that of air conditioning (which uses electricity). I don't know what the "environmental cost" is, and quite frankly, I don't give a fig.

As far as the eating goes, the government can already regulate that. Any doctor who deems a person to be a danger to his own life (even if by eating habits) can have the person arrested and court-ordered to a mental institution until a doctor lets him go. Does anyone not think it would be just as simple to extend the policy to alleged endangerment to the planet?

Of course I'm underweight so Obama and the rest of the "global community" cannot accuse me of posing too much danger to the planet's food supply.

Reply To This — User Info — #6

Personally, I'm pretty by TomlinsonDouthat

Personally, I'm pretty non-bitter in my thermostat usage. I like the cold in winter. I keep my thermostat pretty low, and usually put on wool sweaters before I get around to turning up the heat. And in the summer, for some reason I find conditioned air stale and unpleasant. I usually try to beat the heat with a combination of shade, breeze, and lethargy before I resort to turning the on AC once it gets unbearably hot.

I also dislike SUVs (I find the sightlines all screwy), and I prefer restaurants that don't serve such large portions that you need a forklift to take away all the leftovers.

But these are just my personal preferences. They aren't, for me, ways to save money or reduce my carbon footprint, but ways of living my private life in a manner I find pleasurable. And different people find different things pleasurable.

But in Obama's America, all private pleasures must be sacrificed for the common good. There is one, correct way to live your life, and this is the way you will live it. Or so it's beginning to seem.

Reply To This — User Info — #7

5,5,5,5 nt by Andysforsmalgovernment

"Government of the people, by the people, for the people."
A. Lincoln

Reply To This — User Info — #8

Redstate