As we all know, Easter is the day where we all gather in our finery to celebrate the day Barack Obama, the perfect man, the "Adonis-who-changes-winter-into-spring", wrought of heaven and sunshine, surrounded by flowers and puppies, emerged from the empty tomb to take away the guilt of the honkeys. And so we Americans celebrate by eating chocolate bunny rabbits, dying eggs with a sheen of colorful ink, hiding others filled with candy in the grass, finding and enjoying them before wallowing in our own crapulence.
Don't worry if you ate too much: Barack Obama will help us all lose that Easter weight.
Peace be upon you. Now dig on some of this Cadbury.